How to Create Healthy Boundaries and "Sparkle" – with Andrea Lukac
In this episode 167 of the "Sparkles 4 Mental" Show - Dr. Christine Sauer MD ND and Andrea Lukac discuss how to create healthy boundaries
- How to learn to say "No" without feeling guilty?
- How to Stop being a People-Pleaser and perfectionist.
- Tools and Best Practices to learn to be more assertive
- How being bullied as a child helped her to create boundaries later.
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About Andrea Lukac
Born in Vienna and Living in Austria, Andrea Lukac grew up being bullied in school because of her (beautiful) red hair.
She reacted by withdrawing from others and striving to do everything perfect to please others.
She studied economics and worked in In-and Export businesses and in marketing, married and had children.
But soon, trying to please everyone (but her own self) led to perpetual overwhelm and burn-out.
The severe and intolerable emotional pain prompted her to make the decision for change.
She researched psychological counseling, NLP and devoured books and courses. She also journaled and started to observe herself more and slowly she noticed her thoughts change.
She started to be more able to accept herself, find out not only what she didn’t want, but also what she did want and then go for it.
She compares boundaries with time, happiness, your energy and attention with boundaries with spending money.
How To Create Healthy Boundaries
According to PositivePsychology.com, in general, “healthy boundaries are those boundaries that are set to make sure mentally and emotionally you are stable” (Prism Health North Texas, n.d.).
Another way to think about it is that “Our boundaries might be rigid, loose, somewhere in between, or even nonexistent. A complete lack of boundaries may indicate that we don’t have a strong identity or are enmeshed with someone else” (Cleantis, 2017).
Healthy boundaries can serve to establish one’s identity. Specifically, healthy boundaries can help people define their individuality and can help people indicate what they will and will not hold themselves responsible for.
While boundaries are often psychological or emotional, boundaries can also be physical. For example, declining physical contact from a coworker is setting an important boundary, one that’s just as crucial as setting an emotional boundary, i.e., asking that same coworker not to make unreasonable demands on your time or emotions.
Healthy boundaries are a crucial component of self-care. That’s because “in work or in our personal relationships, poor boundaries lead to resentment, anger, and burnout” (Nelson, 2016).
Andrea started to set boundaries by improving communication.
- Communicating with herself (appreciate and celebrate past and present accomplishments)
- Prioritize self-care (you cannot share positive feelings if you have none to give)
- Become more productive by prioritizing her time and setting time boundaries
She found that by teaching her children to respect her (and themselves) and enforcing her boundaries more, starting with little steps, not only did she herself become happier, but also her family and those she came in contact with.
When she now works with clients, she helps them to clarify what they are missing, and what they want, then teach them tools and skills to better their life and then to practice these new skills until they become second nature.
Of the many books she read, she would take Tony Robbins: "Unleash your Power” to a deserted island…
To contact: Please email Andrea Lukac @ [email protected] if she can be of assistance or you’d like to book a coaching call with her.
