I didn't know I was a fake all my life...
I really thought I had made it. But I had no idea what was waiting for me...
Dear Sisters and Brothers, Dear Fellow 🌟 "Sparkles"! 🌟
Let me give you a "virtual hug" and welcome you very warmly.
If I could, I would squeeze you really tight, as I am an unstoppable hugger and touch enthusiast.
I am also a techie and enjoy creating systems and processes, but more of this later.
Today, besides welcoming you, I want to introduce me a bit - my personal side, so you know why you want to follow me (or unsubscribe rather now than later).
Some of you may already know me as Christine, DocChristine, Dr. Christine Sauer or all of these.
I am a woman, daughter, wife, widow, sister, friend, mother, aunt, grandmother, great-aunt, entrepreneur, product-creator, brain and mental health coach, secretary, editor, writer, author, video creator, speaker, dog-walker, teacher, trainer, short-order-cook, toilet cleaner (if necessary) ..... and LOVE doing most of the things I do.
Like most of you, I fill many shoes or try my best to do so, but like all of us, I never seem to reach the level of perfection many of us try to achieve.
So, to put all this in context, let me tell you a bit of my "back story"
You could call it : " I didn't know I was a fake all my life..."
It's a bit long, but if you would, please go ahead and read it (or watch the video, or listen to the audio) - and then, commment or reply to any of my emails and tell me your story!
I really thought I had made it. But I had no idea what was waiting for me...
I learned to read at age 4 and devoured my parent's bookshelf. My favorite book was a "health lexicon". I read it cover to cover several times before starting school.
My school mates didn't like me growing up because I was a nerd.
My favorite game as a kid was "playing doctor"
I gave out shares for my 'Future Nobel Prize" in high school. (Oh my, was I ever full of myself). I still can't believe my classmates were happy to take them!
I loved to read. And I still remember the moment - I was a about 16 - when I was browsing a library in Germany and an English language book fell in my lap.
It was by the Humanist Psychologist Carl Rogers: "On Becoming a Person".
I am still doin it - BECOMING a Person. Just like the heroine in our movie "Becoming Sparkling Suzie". Haven't watched it yet? Go ahead and do so now.
Reading books and learning new things always was a major source of inspiration for me.
I graduated school on top of my class and had no trouble to be accepted into medical school. I felt on top of the world and I thought I knew it all. Boy, was I wrong!
When I walked out of school in 1979 I had no clue that the hard school of life was really just waiting around the corner.
I thought my way through life was clear: I would be a successful physician and heal everyone that had the fortune to meet me.
I was convinced that nothing ever could stop me.
I got my first job as a resident because I was good at playing "SimCity" (a computer game).
As a hospitalist resident my boss told me to keep my patients longer in hospital because they got well too fast and the insurances questioned him about the difference to other hospital wards.
I married a future family doctor and had two kids.
Money was not the issue, but I felt very stressed and overwhelmed all the time, trying to balance kids, household and work.
My life got even worse when I stayed home to have more time for the kids - and fell into a deep depression.
This was not the first time I wanted to end it all, but one of the times where I came closest and felt the loneliest. Kids - as wonderful as they can be - can also push your buttons and drain the last drop of your energy. (Need help with that? Explore our Parenting Sparkles Program)
But I always had a smile on my face.
Always pretended that "All was good". "I had this under control". Even though deep down I knew that I didn't.
Over the next 10 years I continued to struggle, to go from highs - building my first husband's family practice and working in it with him, making a good amount of money that I thought would secure our future and being respected and loved as the village doctors by our community in Germany -
- to lows - like daily fights with my emotionally abusive husband behind closed doors, stuffing down my emotions with food, escaping in a dreamworld of work, learning, books and TV.
Then something happened that would change everything...
My first husband decided that we wanted to immigrate to Canada. He didn't want our sons to have to serve in the German military.
We got accepted into Canada, bought a house in Halifax, Nova Scotia and were supposed to move there together in 1997.
But in 1996, while working in my doctor's office, my back gave out. It was so bad, I was in a local hospital for 4 weeks to re-learn to walk. After rehab and re-starting work, a second disc in my back slipped, and I was in agony again.
Having been a fighter all my life, this time I gave up. I sold my practice and fell into a deep depression. Then my first husband committed suicide and left me with 2 teenage sons - and the immigration papers to Canada.
So we moved to Halifax, Nova Scotia, in 1998, to start a new life, like so many had done before us.
I didn't realize it then, but it was a blessing waiting to happen.
But at first it got worse. Lonely, in a strange environment, I was close to ending it all myself.
After a near-suicide I was admitted to a local psychiatric hospital.
This is the end, I thought.
I can't get any lower. I am such a failure. I'll never get up again.
I discovered that I had been a fake all my life. My smile had been fake. Deep down, I really didn't know who I was or what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
Without my work, without others validating me, I felt that I was worthless as a human being.
So I started searching - for help with depression.
But really, I was searching for meaning. For something to make my life - and that of others - worthwhile.
Now I’m doing something that I never thought I would be doing.
I am living my best life - while helping others do the same.
I discovered that true giving to others is only possible when your own cup is filled to the overflow so you can share without losing your spark yourself.
It is creating this spark in others eyes that gives my life meaning now. Having been an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital, having gone through the abyss myself, I KNOW how it feels to be in the hole.
Most physicians and psychologists have never experienced this true despair of life themselves.
Fallen and pushed off my pedestal I was put on by education and society, I became just another human.
And it is me now who has the privilege to meet another human being that is suffering, not the other way around.
I use my very human experiences now - as a Brain and Mental Health Coach - to connect with my clients on a very different level than most other practitioners trying to help people going through the "dark night of the soul".
I love helping people who are just like I was not too long ago. Nobody is born knowing how to navigate through life. Our childhood experiences and life experiences are very different, but we are all humans.
Deep down, we are all the same. I like to quote my current husband, Mike (I often just call him "hubby")
In spite of (or because of?) a very limited education, he is one of the smartest and wisest guys I know.
Here is one of his favorite sayings (please excuse the language, he is a MAN):
"We all eat the same, we all shit the same"
We all can learn from the past, look forward to a brighter future - and LIVE in the HERE and NOW.
I am doing what I am doing because helping others to recover their sparkle , find their own meaning, and purpose, and thrive in life gives my life meaning, too.
It seems the more I fill my own cup and give me what I need, the more effective I become as a coach, helper, educator and leader. And the more I am "just" myself, the more fun I have and enjoy life.
Remember the book by Carl Rogers: "On Becoming a Person"? I am still in the process of becoming, just like Sparkling Suzie in our movie, and loving it!
I can't say I fully understand how this works, but let me tell you, it does!
Discovering this for yourself - and putting it in action - can literally change your life and that of your family for the better, too.
What an amazing journey...
For now, I’d love to get your feedback on what I just shared with you.
Do you struggle with life currently? Or did struggle in the past and haven't fully recovered YOUR Sparkle? Have you tried to get help or help yourself in the past, but come up short?
I’d love to know more about where you are on your journey right now.
Go ahead and comment below or message me. You can also email me.
I monitor all messages myself - and even though I’m not always able to reply, I read every single message I get.
so, please, let me know what you think 🙂
I've got so much more to share with you....don't miss out!
Brighten Your Day With Gratitude
All we have is this daily sparkle - today. Don't waste it. use it to the benefit of yourself, of others and the world at large.
This little book with prompts and quotes and directions on how to use it will help.
Get it today as a .pdf for FREE